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CELEBRATING MARRIAGES AND
FAMILIES!
(Non-Federal Program)
SAINTS
HEALTHY MARRIAGE PROJECT NEEDS YOUR CHURCH!
SUNDAY MORNING MESSAGES
Recruiting 1,000 churches nationwide to promote
skills awareness and individual participation in
family building and relationship skills enhancement
classes.
FOR MORE INFORMATION CONTACT:
MISSIONARY REGINA GLASPIE, SAINTS HEALTHY
MARRIAGE PROJECT
FRESNO, CA, 559-225-3744, 559-304-7673
FGLASPIE@AOL.COM
Scriptural Validation for the
Ten Skills
Taught by Relationship Enhancement
Programs
1: Giving Empathy or Showing
Understanding Skill. To understand my
partner’s thoughts, feelings, concerns and desires.
To meet one of the greatest emotional needs of my loved
one. To eliminate misunderstandings and shorten the
healing time of upsets. To pave the way for workable
solutions. Scriptures that support this skill: “A
wise person learns by listening.” Proverbs 21:11
LB, “If I don’t understand what someone is
saying, I am a stranger to that person. And that person
is a stranger to me.” 1st Cor 14:11 NIRV,
“A soft answer turns away wrath, but harsh words
cause quarrels.” Proverbs 15:1 LB
2: Expression Skill. To increase my own
self-respect. To speak the way I wish to be spoken to. To
speak without judgment or criticism because intimacy is
impossible with a self-righteous person. Scriptures that
support this skill: “A good man thinks before he
speaks; the evil man pours out his evil words without a
thought.” Proverbs 15:28 LB, “We will
lovingly follow the truth at all times…speaking
truly, dealing truly, living truly…and so become
more and more in every way like Christ.” Eph
4:15, “Your own soul is nourished when you are
kind. It is destroyed when you are cruel.” Proverbs
11:17 LB.
3: Discussion Skill. Discussing an issue
without adhering to guidelines will be as successful as
playing football without a play book or sewing a dress
without a pattern. A skilled discussion moves focus from
the surface facts and opinions to the deeper meanings
underneath. With deeper understanding of each other,
lasting solutions are much easier to find. A skilled
discussion increases intimacy. It’s risky to assume
that I know what my partner is feeling or thinking.
It’s equally risky to assume that my partner knows
what I am thinking or feeling. Scriptures that support
this skill? “But the wisdom that comes from heaven
…allows discussion and is willing to yield to
another.” James 3:17 LB, “The wisdom
from above is first of all pure, then peaceful,
courteous, not self-willed, full of compassion and kind
actions, free from favoritism and from all insincerity.
And peace, for those who strive for peace, is the seed of
which the harvest is righteousness.” James
3:17,18 MSNT, “A fool thinks he needs no
advice, but a wise man listens to others.” Proverbs
12:15 LB
4: Problem Solving Skill. Why learn this
skill? Problems that remain unresolved create emotional
distance and drain energy from us and from our marriage.
Resolved problems build confidence that our marriage can
thrive. It’s limiting and narrow for me to think
that there is only one solution to a problem (mine).
It’s gracious to hear my partner’s proposed
solutions and creative to look for a solution that will
meet both of our needs.
5: Self Change Skill. One of the
purposes of marriage is to motivate me (out of love and
respect for my loved one and obedience to God) to change
selfish and annoying habits and to build the character
traits that are the fruit of the Spirit. Assuming
appropriate responsibility for my poor or hurtful
patterns of behavior makes room for the grace and mercy
of God to enable me change. Scriptures that support this
skill: “I haven’t learned all I should even
yet, but I keep working toward that day when I will
finally be all that Christ saved me for and wants me to
be.” Phil 3:12 LB, “A wise woman
builds her house, while a foolish woman tears her down by
her own efforts.” Proverbs 14:1 LB,
“This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these
matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to
make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend
has against you, abandon your offering, leave
immediately, go to this friend and make things right.
Then and only then, come back and work things out with
God.” Matt 5:23,24 TMSG.
6: Helping Others Change Skill.
Supporting my loved one in the way he/she requested is a
gift of love. Often the changes desired will positively
affect me and our marriage. By honoring my spouse by
using only the reminders he or she requested, I am
building good will. I am more apt to receive the same
gentle and respectful reminders when I request them.
Scriptures that support this skill: “You have been
given freedom: not freedom to do wrong, but freedom to
love and serve each other. For the whole Law can be
summed up in this one command: ‘Love others as you
love yourself.’ But if instead of showing love among
yourselves you are always critical and catty, watch out!
Beware of ruining each other.” Galatians 5:13-15
LB.
7: Coaching Skill. These ten skills
deepen our love for each other only if we use them.
It’s in my best interests to kindly give and
graciously receive reminders to use the skills correctly.
What benefits our relationship, benefits me. The more
habitual good skills become, the less frequent the upsets
will be and the more consistently loving and peaceful our
relationship will be. Scriptures supporting this skill:
“Instruct and direct one another using good common
sense.” Col 3:16 TMSG, “Let us be
mindful to stimulate one another toward love and helpful
activities.” Hebrews 1:24 ML, “For we
naturally love to do evil things that are just the
opposite from the things that the Holy Spirit tells us to
do; and the good things we want to do when the Spirit has
his way with us are just the opposite of our natural
desires. But when you follow your own wrong inclinations
your lives will produce… fighting…constant
effort to get the best for yourself, complaints and
criticisms. But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives
he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy,
peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
gentleness and self-control.” Galatians 16-17,
19-20, 22-23 LB
8: Conflict Management Skill. Nothing
good comes from out-of-control anger. Learning
appropriate ways of dealing with anger brings better
physical, emotional and relational health. Giving my
spouse love and respect through self control builds
trust. No one “makes me” lose control.
Scriptures are very clear about the fact that I alone am
responsible for my behavior and will reap the rewards or
suffer poor consequences depending on the choice I make.
Scriptures that support this skill: “A wise man
controls his temper. He knows that anger causes
mistakes.” Proverbs 14:29 LB, “Your
own soul is nourished when you are kind. It is destroyed
when you are cruel.” Proverbs 11:17 LB,
“Whenever you’re trying to look better than
others or get the better of others, things fall apart and
everyone ends up at the others’ throats.” James
3:16 TMSG, “If you are angry, don’t sin by
nursing it. Get over it quickly.” Eph 4:6 LB
9: Generalization Skill. Every human
being deserves to be treated with honesty and respect.
Understanding is a skill that can bring comfort and
relief even to a stranger. My commitment to use good
skills in every relationship at all times is an
expression of the Good News Jesus brought to earth.
Scriptures that support this skill: “Love one
another as I have loved you.” John 13:34,
Show “…respect, not only to those who are kind
and considerate but also to those who are harsh.”
I Peter 2:18 GNB, “Fathers, (and mothers) do
not fret and harass your children, or you may make them
sullen and morose.” Col 3:21 MSNT .
10: Maintenance Skill. I expect to
maintain my vehicles, my homes…even my teeth. Why
not my marriage? The payoffs for paying close attention
to the quality of my marriage are enormous—not only
for me personally, but for the one I’ve chosen
“’til death do we part,’” and for our
children and generations to come. Just as poor
relationship and communication habits are passed down
from parents to children, good skills are, as well.
Scriptures that support this skill: “Let us not get
tired of doing what is right, for after a while we will
reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t get
discouraged and give up.” Galatians 6:9 LB,
“Each one of you also must (continually) love his
wife as he loves himself, and the wife must (continually)
respect her husband” Ephesians 5:33 NIV, “Don’t
tell lies to each other...You are living a brand new
life…continually learning more and more of what is
right, and trying constantly to be more and more like
Christ who created this new life within you.”
Col 3:10 LB
Copyright © 2008 Saints Healthy Marriage Project. All
rights reserved.
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